Words I Couldn't Say
by unfortunateluck
Summary: Jewelz loved all the kids on the children's wing of the hospital, but this one had a special place in my heart. This one had no parents, no visitors, nothing. This 6 year old, sweet angel didn't have long to live because of leukemia. Featuring Zac Efron
1. Chapter 1

What Do I Do Now That You're Gone...  
All The Words I Couldn't Say  
Chapter 1

"J, hurry up or we'll both be late. Mom said I could use the car if I drop you off at the hospital because I have basketball practice." Charli yelled unnecessarily in our apartment.

I sighed and called back to her, "Ok. I'm putting on my shoes right now. Give me two, tops." She knows I hate it when she calls me 'J' but she does it anyway, just like when I call her Char. We have such a strong sisterly love for each other, that's for sure.

"Two minutes and that's it. I'll be waiting for you in the car."

I hurried to finish tying my shoes and glanced in the mirror one more time before I grabbed my purse.

"Julianne, here's money for lunch. Make sure you eat, please dear." My mom handed me a bill and kissed me on the cheek before I could dash out of the door.

"Thanks mom. Tell the lil' guys I'll take them to the park this afternoon if I get back in time, k?"

"Sure will, Julianne. You have no idea how much of a help it will be for them to get out of this tiny apartment."

I gave my mom a reassuring smile before I walked out of the door. I jumped into the car my sister and I shared, quickly buckling up.

We were living in the apartment until my dad could sell our house back in Mississippi and find a house here. I never would have guessed 2 years ago that my life would completely change. We had already moved 4 times during those two years. Dad is a realtor and travels a lot. Mom works out of the house as an Interior Design columnist. I think both of them have hit their midlife crisis and don't really know where they want to live. My 2 younger brothers, Ethan and Dane, were born in Mississippi along with me and Charli and our younger sister Megan. From Mississippi we had moved to Texas, Alabama, Louisiana, and finally "settled" in California. Los Angeles to be exact. My parents both felt this was the place they could both excel at their jobs while providing all of us kids with the best opportunities. It was close to a hospital for me. Great basketball and other sports opportunities for Charli and the boys while Meg had easier access to starting a career in singing and dancing, her two passions. I shared her passion for singing, maybe more so than she did. But I think our Meg definitely had the personality for it. She has been a bundle of energy since the day she was born.

I must have been pretty lost in my thoughts because before I knew it, Charli was dropping me off at the hospital.

"Have a good time at practice, Char."

"Thanks, J. I really need it. These summer practices are a big deal. I want to make the team so bad. I just hope mom and dad stay in one place long enough for me to play my senior year."

"I understand. But you'll do great. And the scholarships will come rolling in. Promise." I grinned at my sister.

She looks more like our dad, while I look more like our mom. Our eyes were sometimes the same color, whenever mine were in the mood for it. But while she had naturally highlighted blonde-brunette hair, I had blonde hair. And she had the athletic build. I sighed once again as I closed the door to the car and watched as she pulled away. I turned to face the hospital, and looked up at the tall building as I took a deep breathe.

I smiled, thinking of what my best friend back home always tells me. "There's always someone who has it worse than you... by like, a bunch." We'd always burst into giggles. Zara. She had been my best friend since we were in cribs. We were next door neighbors growing up and lucky enough to be in all the same classes up until 10th grade when I moved for the first time.

I walked through the large front doors and made my way through the hallways and up a now-familiar elevator. Even though I knew I was in the right spot I glanced up at the sign anyway. "Children's ward" was painted across the top of the hallway in a bold font, bright colors illuminating the corridors.

"Julianne, you're early today." Stephanie, otherwise known as Stevie, said from behind the nurse's desk. Stevie was one of my only friends here in L.A., seeing as how school hasn't started yet and the only place I have really been is here. She works here at the hospital because her dad is a doctor here and she has a way of brightening the kids' days.

"Yeah, my sister had to drop me off on her way to basketball practice. And I figured my li'l munchkin would enjoy an extra long visit!" I said laughing.

Stevie grinned and said, "You spoil that girl but she needs it. She needs you. She's meeting with one of her doctor's right now. But you can wait for her in the game room."

I turned, walking toward the game room, and called over my shoulder, "I told you a million times. Only my parents and some adults call me Julianne. It's Jewelz!"

I went in and settled into my usual seat. 'I'm tired. Tired of getting close to people just to be hurt by them, or by the fact that they leave me, or I have to leave them. I am physically tired and ready for a solution. I look normal enough, thank God. I don't want to look sick.' My thoughts were interrupted and brought back to the reality of the "game room" of the hospital by a young child dropping a book in my lap.

"Will you read it to me?" A sweet voice asked timidly.

I loved all the kids on the children's wing of the hospital, but this one had a special place in my heart. This one had no parents, no visitors, nothing. And the sweet angel didn't have long to live because of leukemia. And she was only 6 years old. She's the same age as my little brother Dane. I couldn't imagine him going through everything she has gone through in her life time. It has formed her into a miniature adult.

I looked down at the book she had handed me. It wasn't really a book at all. It was a High School Musical picture book. It was her favorite and we "read" it several times a day. The Make-A-Wish Foundation was in the process of granting her wish. Hopefully it'll happen soon, before it is too late. Her dream was to meet her favorite actor, Zac Efron.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Hey, my li'l Angel!" I picked the darling girl up into my lap as she giggled. Angelica was such a big name for such a small child and she loved the nickname that I had started calling her the first day I met her.

She stopped giggling and poked her bottom lip out dramatically, knowing it was the way to my heart. "Jew'lz, they told me I couldn't have the cookies. Ev'ryone else gets cookies." 

Poor kid. What six year old is going to understand why they can't have a cookie? "Well sweetie, did they tell you why?" 

She bobbed her head, her gold curls falling in her face. "Sugar. Just cause of sugar."

"Do you remember what happened last time you had cookies right after your treatment? You got sick. Most people don't get sick from eating cookies or anything else with sugar after their treatments, but your stomach is sensitive. And you don't want to get sick again, do you?" 

Partial understanding seemed to dawn on her face. "Yeah, I'm already sick though."

I felt like I had been hit in the stomach. For a girl like Angelica, stomach aches and allergic reactions weren't a problem. She was already sick and to her those must seem like a piece of cake.

"Let's read 'bout Zac," she said as she picked her HSM book back up. The way she said Zac was adorable. She said it more like Za-CH, where the H isn't silent. She pronounced the C as if it was the CH in "chalk". And I don't think anyone had the heart to correct her because it was just too precious.

"Sure thing, pumpkin."

"Jew'lz, only you call me 'pumpkin' and 'darlin'. No one's never called me those names before. They's just call me 'kid' and 'hey you' Why you's call me those?"

I would have laughed if it weren't for the seriousness in her eyes. You would have thought she was asking why there was world hunger for the look in her big green eyes. Yes, she is a blonde with green eyes and they are gorgeous!

"Because I have live in the somewhere else all my life."

"Cause you wasn't borned in Cali," she said, in a very matter of fact way.

"Yup, exactly. I was born far away from here were it's normal for people to call people they love or even people they don't know names like darlin, pumpkin, love, sweetie, and other names like that."

"The people sound nice. Not everyone is nice here. Not at the orphanage or when I had frosty parents." 

"They are nice, Angel."

"Frosty parents?" I asked, laughing.

"Yeah, the people I lived with 'fore the hospital 'cause I ain't got no parents 'cause they went to see Jesus after they wrecked."

My heart broke for this little girl. I thanked God silently for my parents. I know I didn't always want to appreciate them but being reminded of how hard Angel's life had been between losing her parents, going from the orphanage to "frosty" parents, and then being diagnosed with leukemia. I wanted to make her world better, take her home with me and let her play with my brothers like a little kid should be allowed to do, buy her clothes and be there for her first slumber party(a secret that she had shared with me). I decided right them and there that I was going to make my Angel's life as good as I possibly could before it was too late, a thought that absolutely made me shutter.

"Can you take me to visit someday?" As she asked this I could see she was biting her lip. She knew that she was sick and that she wasn't going to get better. I didn't know what to say to her.

"I would like that, sweetie. But you can't leave the hospital right now."

I could see the disappointment written all over her face even before she took a deep breathe and blew it out. With shoulders slumped, she quietly replied, "Maybe people will be that nice in heaven."

I wanted to make her world better, take her home with me and let her play with my brothers like a little kid should be allowed to do, buy her clothes and be there for her first slumber party(a secret that she had shared with me). I decided right them and there that I was going to make my Angel's life as good as I possibly could before it was too late, a thought that absolutely made me shutter.

I picked up the book and finally started reading what we had been intending to read all morning. She leaned back, resting her head against my shoulder and grinned, "Let's read bout Zac!"


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I had just finished reading the book with her, getting her to read it in spots where the words weren't too difficult, when a nurse came in to give Angel a new dose of medication.

She had several needles to inject the medications into Angel and two things of liquid medication.

"This the sleepy stuff?" Angel asked the nurse.

"Only sleepy enough for a nap while Julianne take care of some things. Is that ok, Angelica?" The nurse, Caroline, was another one of Angel's favorites. She had a lot of grandmother like qualities and seemed to have that natural ability to make anyone feel comfortable.

"Yeah, that'll work." With that, Angel hopped off of my lap and headed towards her room, which was 2 doors down from the game room.

I went in and held her hand while she received the shots.

"Do you want me to stay until you fall asleep?"

"Yes, please, Jew'lz."

I turned the TV on and hopped up on the bed next to her. She picked the Disney Channel to watch, big surprise, right there and watched The Suite Life until she fell asleep. I gently got off of the bed, kissed her forehead and headed to the 4th floor. 

Two hours later, I headed back to Angel's room. Peeking my head inside the door, I noticed that there was a lady sitting in the chair next to Angel's bed dressed in a business suit. I started to turn away so as not to interrupt when I heard Angel call my name.

"Hey sweetheart, how was your nap?"

"It was good. This lady's name is Miz Carson. She came to visit me!"

I grinned at her excitement. "That's great!"

I extended my hand and introduced myself to Mrs. Carson.

"It's nice to meet you Julianne. Angelica has told me a lot about you." Though dressed very professionally, Mrs. Carson seemed young and I could tell she was happy. Whatever her job was and whatever reason she had for being here, she was enjoying it.

"I hope it was all good. She's really great, one of my best friends to be quite honest." I was ready for her to explain who she was, beyond "Mrs. Carson", and protect my li'l angel if need be. I was overprotective, maybe. But I was all she had.

"I am sure you are both wondering why I am here. I am with the Make-A-Wish foundation. And I wanted to let you know that we have made arrangements with your doctors as well as Zac Efron for you to hang out with him the whole weekend. However, since Zac has no medical experience and doesn't know how to take care of you should anything happen, the hospital will be sending Julianne with you. Will that be ok with you?"

"YES!" Angel jumped up and started bouncing around on the bed. I laughed at her exuberance and then silenced immediately as realization hit. 

"No! I mean. I can't… I just. That won't…" I stuttered and my words ground to a halt. Angel stopped her celebration and I looked down at my shoes. Ihad finally gotten the courage to speak again when I was interrupted by Mrs. Carson. 

"Julianne, I have already talked with the Board of Trustees and all of the necessary doctors. She will be spending time here in the hospital during that weekend, including nights. It would mean a lot to us and to Angelica if you would help us. You know her and her routine and she would be more comfortable with you than with anyone else."

I sighed and started rubbing my index finger over my thumb nail, a nervous habit I have. "Ok, I'll do it for Angel." Angel started her celebration all over again. My heart swelled with love for this dear angel, my Angel.

I hardly noticed Mrs. Carson gathering her purse and leather briefcase as she prepared to leave. As she walked out of the room she stated, "He'll be here this Friday at 10am."

"YAY!" Angel started dancing and fell into giggles on the bed.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Around 4 that afternoon, Charli called my phone and told me she was headed that way to pick me up and take me home. I kissed Angel on the cheek and cleaned off the bed where she and I had been cross-stitching, something the little girl had picked up in the foster home, simple as her designs were. She enjoyed doing it so we usually spent an our or so out of our afternoon doing that or some other craft. I started to get off of the bed but was halted in the process by two small hands pulling me back.

"Nu-uh. Not yet. Nosey kisses!" She proceeded to pull down my head and give me Eskimo kisses. I gave her a big hug, careful to be gentle.

"You like giving nosey kisses, don't you?"

She bobbed her head, "But I don't kiss boys on the lipses. They gots germs. And you only do that when you get old and marriaged. Jew'lz, will I never kiss a boy on the lips cause since I won't be old enough to get marriaged?"

I bent down so my face was level with her, "Maybe someday but only if it's the right guy. If he gives you butterflies in your stomach, makes your knees feel weak, dizzy, and 'like you've been knocked in the head with a sledgehammer' then you've probably found the right guy."

She started giggling, "Oh Jew'lz, the right guy sounds like the way treatment makes me feel." She fell over on the bed laughing and as horrible as it really was, I laughed with her. I knew her girlish laughter would stay with me for the rest of the day.

"You'll feel all those things but you'll also feel happy all the time. And have a wonderful feeling of peace knowing that whatever comes to you in life you can make it through together." I glanced down at my watch and realized my sister was probably out in the parking lot waiting for me. "I'm sorry sweetie, but I have to go. I have to take my little brothers to the park. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okidoki. Same time, Same place. I'll be seein' ya Toots!" She grinned and turned on the TV.

I shook my head, laughing. She had picked up the line from some old musical we had watched one day, and she hadn't dropped it. Most likely because she knew that it made me laugh. 

I got in the car, immediately buckling up. "How'd the practice go?"

"Oh, it was great. Best first practice I have ever had. And I met a lot of girls. I think I just might like this place!"

I could tell she was happy and that in itself made me happy. I silently prayed that we wouldn't move again, not until we graduated at the very least.

We were quiet for the rest of the short right home, neither of us really having the energy to make conversation. It wasn't awkward, just a comfortable silence while listening to music in the background.

After taking my brothers to the park, helping fix supper, and cleaning the disaster otherwise known as out tiny living room and kitchen, I finally had time to go to the room I shared with Charli and Meg for some silence. I called my friend Zara and told her to get online, the best way for us to talk since she got in trouble with her mom for calling long distance so much.

Zara: What it is, love?  
Jewelz: Ha, what are you? A mix of ghetto and southern belle?  
Zara: Could be. How's the Angel?  
Jewelz: Marvelous! She didn't feel sick at all today. And when I came in this afternoon to see her there was a random dressed up lady in there   
Zara: Suspense, darling. It's killing me…  
Jewelz: Sorry my mom came in to ask me a question.  
Zara: Whatever! Out with it. Haha  
Jewelz: She was with Make-A-Wish. Remember how I told you I had submitted a request for Angel?  
Zara: yup, sure do. But you never did tell me what she wished for…  
Jewelz: I didn't tell anyone. She didn't even know I had submitted it. I didn't want her to be disappointed, or anyone else for that matter.  
Zara: That's understandable… are you avoiding the subject? The wish…   
Jewelz: oh! Yeah, she made a wish to meet one of her favorite celebrities… And not only does she get to meet him, we found out today she gets to spend the entire weekend with him. She is going to have the perfect weekend.   
Zara: Aw, that is so great! Whooooo? Whooooo?  
Zara: Definitely sounded like an owl, but ya know me.  
Jewelz: You know that dude on High School Musical   
Zara: Holy Cheeznips! Our cutie patootie gets to spend a weekend with Zac Efron?  
Jewelz: Do I even want to know why you know his name?  
Zara: Well…. Um, you see. What had happ'n was…   
Jewelz: hahaha, Z you don't even have any younger siblings.   
Zara: I can't help it. I'm a closet obsessee. If that is even a word…  
Jewelz: Yeah, it's going to be kind of weird though… this lady told me that I have to go with them the whole weekend.   
Zara: weird? Wrong word. I believe you meant wonderful!  
Jewelz: Too bad you can't come here and pretend to me be for 3 days.  
Zara: Angel would so let the cat out of the bag.  
Jewelz: haha this is true.  
Zara: Totally O/T but Jewelz, did Kyle call you?  
Jewelz: Um, Z, why would he call me? It's Wednesday… And he and I only talk on Sunday.  
Zara: Oh, well, just forget I said anything.   
Jewelz: What are you not telling me?  
Zara: What are you not telling me?? Why do you only talk to the guy you dated for 3 years once a week? Shady, Shady.  
Jewelz: It's not shady. I didn't want to make him put up with a long distant relationship. Jewelz: Besides, it's not like we SERIOUSLY dated for three years. We really only dated for one, cause 9th grade is when my parents let us start dating outside of a group and our families once a month. haha   
Zara: Whatev, he is so yours and everyone knows it  
Jewelz: why are you speaking present tense?  
Zara: typo?  
Zara: Either way, he liked you from the time he moved here in 3rd grade. By the time 7th grade hit, ya'll start going on dates even if they were group dates.  
Jewelz: True.  
Zara: I know, right! Jk. Kyle, was mad gone over you the moment you carried his books because his backpack broke and he already had his hands full with that stupid volcano science project  
Jewelz: haha why do you remember these things?  
Zara: Cause I am special?  
Jewelz: Ed  
Zara: If I'm ed, then you're… nevermind, can't think of a good one. HA   
Jewelz: So why would he be calling me mid-week?  
Zara: Maybe a bad case of I-wish-it-was-the-weekend blue??  
Jewelz: funny…   
Zara: I think he needs to tell you himself…  
Jewelz: GRRR party pooper.  
Zara: Always!  
Zara: I gotta run. Mom. Blah!   
Jewelz: Bye Zara Marinara  
Zara: Bye Jul


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

I got off the computer and started folding clothes when I realized I didn't have my cell phone on me like I usually do. Remembering that I had left it in the kitchen after I called Zara to get online, I went in and picked my cell phone, noticing that there were 2 missed calls. One from a number I didn't know and another one that was clearly identified on the caller ID, Kyle.

Feeling more than slightly curious, I pushed the call back button and waited for him to answer. 

"Hey Ky… you call?

"Yeah, Jewelz. Did I catch you at a bad time?"

I laughed, "Kyle if it was a bad time, I wouldn't have called you back. I just forgot my phone in the kitchen when I went into my room to talk to Z on the computer." 

"Oh ok. Well, yeah. So how have you been?"

"Kyle, do you realize how thoroughly awkward that just was? You've never had trouble talking to me before." My voice softened to make him feel comfortable. "It's just me, so talk."

He laughed, "Ok, I'll try. I've been talking with my parents about what I want to do now that I've graduated. And I got into a couple of good colleges, some of which have great pre-med programs. But, I…"

I waited patiently for him to finish.

"Jewelz, I joined the Marines a couple months ago. I leave in a month for my basic training."

It only took a few seconds for me to realize what he said, "You WHAT? Kyle, why?"

"They'll help pay for school but more importantly, I don't want to be just any doctor… I want to be a doctor for the Marine Corp."

"Oh. Ok. Are you sure you want to do that? I mean, it's a really big decision."

"I know it is, Jewelz. And I am definitely sure I want to do it. If I wasn't sure then I never would have signed up."

"Oh ok."

"Jewelz, it's ok. It's not that big of a deal."

"Kyle, it is. If it wasn't you wouldn't have called me on a Wednesday instead of a Sunday," I said in an attempt to lighten the mood and joke.

"I'd call you every day if you would let me and you know that."

"I know… I, I just didn't want you to get hurt."

"Talking to you can't hurt anymore than not talking to you…"

I didn't respond. I didn't know where to even begin when I did respond to him.

"Anne..." My heart stopped beating. I knew as soon as he called me Anne that there was something up. He hadn't called me that since the day I had broken up with him. It had always been his special name for me. And they way he said it always made my heart stop beating and completely melt.

"Yeah, Kyle. I'm here."

"I'm sorry. I know it's a bomb to drop on you right now but I didn't exactly have any other choice since you're in L.A. But my parents are giving me a present, kind of as their celebration I suppose, and well..." I could tell that he was struggling with the words right now. And I wasn't doing much better myself. I was still trying to swollow the first bit of news. 

"It's already been arranged with your parents. I'm flying to L.A. to spend a week with you. I'll get there Sunday afternoon. I...I hope that's ok with you. Both of our parent's knew I wanted to see you before I..."

I interrupted him, "Really? Oh Kyle. I can't wait for this weekend!"

"Don't get so excited, Anne. It may be the last time I see you for a while." 

I sighed deeply, "I know." It only took a split second to decide whether I would ask the question that was on my mind before it slipped off of my tongue, "Why did you start calling me Anne again?"

"Cause I miss you. And it's my special name for you. In a way, it makes you feel closer. Like things are going back to normal."

"What's normal, Ky?"

"Us." 

His simple answer broke my heart and made it melt at the same time. Was that even possible?

"Jewelz, you don't have to say anything. I'll just see you on Sunday. I miss you so much. It'll be great, I promise. Cause I'll make sure of it."

With that we hung up and it wasn't until then that I noticed that he went back to calling me Jewelz. 'He still has my heart. Always has.' I went to sleep dreaming about all the possibilities this weekend and the coming week held.


End file.
